I'm Not Broken Anymore
by OwnedbyMutt
Summary: N has an emotional breakdown. Only Touko can help him through these, but she isn't home. N has to find his own way. Oneshot.


N squeezed the remainder of the dish soap onto the sponge. With a look of intensity and concentration on his face, he scrubbed at a seemingly clean plate.

N was beginning to regret his decision to volunteer doing the house. He thought it'd be a good idea to push Touko out of the house so she could go visit her friends back in Nuvema Town. He'd assured her that everything would be okay as she climbed onto Reshiram, and that the house would be sparkling clean when she came back. That was hours ago.

It was starting to not look that way.

He turned on the faucet and ran water onto the dish, effectively getting rid of all the suds he managed to spawn over his two minute battle with the plate. He reached to place it on the rack, but he accidentally bumped it against the counter. It crashed to the floor with a large clank, effectively breaking the plate into three pieces.

"Dam." He muttered, bending down to pick it up. The sound reverberated in his mind for a few seconds.

_Clank. Clank. Clank._

He froze.

One after the other, a sudden flood of memories started to break through the cracks.

_Listen to your father!_ He yelled angrily, throwing the child's toys everywhere. A train hit the wall, separating the cars from the main rail. A plate broke on the ground followed by a stinging slap to the face. The boy huddled in the corner covering his face with his knees while the man in the large robe rampaged. Maids and Plasma grunts peeked into the room and quickly ran off to do something, to gossip._ Ghetsis is hurting that poor Prince again. _

No one ever did anything to stop it. Stepping in between the King and his son was a direct threat to their job, if not their life. Everyone was convinced that this was beneficial to Team Plasma. The Prince could take a few beatings for the good of Pokémon everywhere. But, it wasn't just a few beatings. This was a continuous thing, and Ghetsis had the poor child brainwashed into believing it was for the good of Team Plasma and Pokémon.

N dropped to the floor and scooted himself against the island, taking minimal comfort from the contact of the inanimate surface. He shoved his face into his knees and pulled at his hair. He gnashed his teeth together and squeezed his eyes shut, begging it to stop. Anything.

_Slap._

N made a loud, guttural groan. He started kicking wildly, trying fiercely to fight back against the evil man who had made his life a living hell. But he wasn't there. His arms flailed wildly, and when he couldn't connect with anything, he started to stomp the tile floor with all of his strength.

A hand grabbed his arm and squeezed, showing no sign of letting go.

"Stop!" He moaned painfully. He grabbed at his own arm and tried to pry himself loose, but the tight grip his memories had on him were not letting up. They flooded back into him so quickly that he couldn't think straight. Usually he had Touko there to calm him down, to remind him about what he had and how everything will be alright. But she wasn't there.

_Because I told her to go._ He managed to think painfully. _I don't even know when she'll be back._

But she needed to get out of the house. She had been cooped in here with him because she was so afraid that he would have another one of his breakdowns. N could tell she was suffering being inside the house with him all the time. Yes, Touko loved him with all her heart, but it wasn't easy for her to give up her dreams of being a Pokémon master for staying in their house, resorting to staring out the window all the time. Dreaming. _A real dream, _N thought._ Something I never had._

N had loved her for a long time, long before she had even returned those feelings. Their meetings were always short, but that time he took her on the Ferris wheel, he knew for certain that he had fallen completely head over heels. Since then he had always called his Triad to lead her to him, just so he could hear her voice and her see beautiful, determined face. Spending time with her was something he loved, but now, while he sat on the floor, he realized it may have been something he didn't cherish enough. Her absence tore him to shreds.

The first couple weeks of them being a couple was awkward for him. He never really had an emotional relationship with any female. His mother was a missing link in his life, having left when he was really young. Too young to even remember her. He didn't know how he should act around women, what was appropriate and what was not. Ghetsis never talked to N about anything unless it was about the future of Team Plasma and the liberation of Pokémon. The closest thing he even had with a woman was when the maids would give him a bath when he was a child, which was quickly stopped when he was around twelve.

He shifted uncomfortably.

Thinking about baths made him think about the first time he and Touko took a shower together. N was always modest around everyone, especially her. He didn't want to do something that made her uncomfortable, or drive her away. Surprisingly, she jumped him while he was getting ready for a shower. He was visiting her at her mother's house for a few days when she intruded on him undressing. N quickly tried to cover himself but she walked up to him and started kissing him, lightly trailing her fingertips down his chest. It drove him wild. She pushed him into the shower and instinct did the rest, although he had to remind Touko more than once to keep her screams down so her mother wouldn't hear.

A faint smile touched N's lips as he thought of that morning. After getting his first taste of a woman, he was trailing after her for days like a Pokémon during mating season. Pretty soon, they were always lusting after eachother- whether it being a hand on her shoulder, or making love in whatever place they happened to be at the moment. Touko's friend Bianca almost walked in on them one time, but they had quickly gotten dressed before she opened the door. She wasn't deceived though, as N's green hair was ruffled beyond belief, and Touko's forgot to button her blouse up all the way. Bianca made innuendos at them for weeks, each time causing N and Touko to blush bright red.

N continued to sit there with his back against the island, grinning to himself. He reached one of the plate pieces and held it up to his face. His vigorous scrubbing made it so clean that he could see his reflection perfectly. From the angle he was holding it; he could only see part of the left side of his face. His eye was red and tear stained, and his lip had deep tooth marks where trickles of blood were threatening to spill. With his other hand, he reached for the other two pieces. He put the pieces together and looked at himself again. The cracks in the plate made his reflection look distorted, broken. His hollow eyes stared back at him.

"A sad, broken man." He mused darkly to himself. He sighed and stretched to place the pieces on the counter. He pushed himself up and wiped his eyes, sniffling. Then, something hit him.

"I did it." He whispered to himself. "I actually did it. I did it without her."

After a few seconds, he broke into a full blown smile. _No,_ he thought, _I couldn't do it without her. She was here._

Thinking about her made it stop. It made all the bad dreams go away, just like she'd always tell him. He could almost hear her talking to him.

"I love that woman." He whispered to himself.

Almost as if on cue, he heard the sound of Reshiram's turbine like tail outside. He looked out the window and was shocked to see that it was already dark. How long had he been sitting on the ground in his catatonic state? The flames of the dragon's tail were in sharp contrast to the dark sky, and he found himself looking away from the brightness. He looked around the kitchen and realized that he didn't even finish cleaning. He shrugged; he didn't really like it, anyways.

It became silent outside as Touko thanked Reshiram and returned him to his poke ball. N stood there by the window and just waited for him to come inside. He couldn't find it within himself to move at all. He just stood there, unable to think.

He heard her unlock the door and kick off her shoes. He heard the small noise of shaking keys as she hung them on the nail. "I'm home!" She yelled. No reply.

"N?" She called questioningly. He didn't say anything. He was just mute, not knowing what to say. She came around the corner in the kitchen and saw him, "Oh, there you are! How was cleaning?" She walked over to him and gave him a kiss. He kissed back, but it took much effort on his part. She noticed his hesitation and stepped back. "Everything okay?" She eyed him suspiciously.

N just stared at her, he opened his mouth, but no words came out.

Her tone became panicked, "N! Did anything happen when I was gone?" She placed her hands on his shoulders and stared at him in the eyes, her own eyes glazed with worry.

Her panic stricken face must have woken up something in his brain. He blinked and took in a breath, "I'm… I'm okay." He breathed out. He pulled her into a hug. "I'm fine. How was your day out?"

She stared at him for a few more moments, and decided to just drop it. N wasn't going to talk about it, and she wasn't going to force him to do anything right now. "It was great. We visited Castelia City and went on the cruise. It was beautiful; you should really come next time."

"I'd love that." He murmured, running his hand through her brown hair. Overcome by emotion, he grabbed her chin, bent down and kissed her with everything he had.

"Whoa." She whispered. "What's gotten into you?"

"I think I have a new outlook on life."

She smiled and yawned.

"You tired?" He prompted.

"No. Well, yeah, I am." She shook her head. "I'll be upstairs." She turned around and started walking towards the stairs. Once she took the first step up, she stopped and looked at N, "I'm not tired if you're not." She said suggestively.

"I guess that means I'm not tired." N laughed. He ran towards the stairs pulled her into a giant hug. He held her for a few long moments, not wanting to let her go. He pressed his lips to her neck and raised his hand so he was pulling at her bra strap. His other hand pinched her breast. She giggled loudly and broke free of the hug, running up the stairs. She looked down at him and saw that he wasn't following her. Her face fell.

"Aren't you coming?" She asked.

N looked back to the kitchen, to the remains he had left on the counter. "I'll be there in a minute. Be ready for me." He winked.

She smiled. "I always am."

"I wouldn't have it any other way, love." He told her, his voice perfectly smooth. She blew him a kiss and headed towards the room.

He started to head back to the island. He stood over the three plate pieces, staring at himself. He stood in the same position for a few moments, expressionless. Finally, he made a move and picked up the pieces. He walked over to the garbage can and stepped on the pedal. He looked at the plate one last time before dumping it in the can.

"I'm not broken anymore." He murmured to himself as he turned his back on his shattered remains and headed upstairs to meet Touko, his savior.


End file.
